Murder, Homicide, Bloodshed and Crime.

If you’ve read my portrayal of my son Billy’s last moments of his life, you know how he died.

He was stabbed to death by a stranger in a random act of violence.

When his 18 year old brother Jami called 911, until the time the police were on the scene, it was one minute and thirty eight seconds.

They couldn’t find a pulse.

The officer told me that they did a “scoop and run” which means they didn’t wait for an ambulance. They put my son in the police car and rushed him to the hospital.

One minute and thirty eight seconds.

Those first days, weeks and months after his tragic death I kept thinking about what was going through my child’s mind?

Did he want me,his Mother?

He was always an independent child and he loved to do things by himself, but when he was sick he ALWAYS wanted me to hold him, sit with him or just be close to him. He just wanted his Mother.

One minute and thirty eight seconds.

Even though my heart aches and breaks for both of my sons on that fateful night, my heart is also torn.

On one hand, Billy had his brother with him. Although there was absolutely nothing that Jami could do to physically help Billy, he was there with him.

Jami spoke to him, he looked into Billy’s eyes that were wide with shock. He stayed by right by Billy’s side and helped to catch him as he fell.

On the other hand, Jami replays that one minute and thirty eight seconds in his mind over and over and over again. He watched his big brother die right before his own eyes that were wide with shock.

They looked into each other’s eyes until Billy’s eyes closed for the last time.

Jami is still alive and breathing and functioning and working and figuring out how to live with the trauma of that night.every.single.day.

Why are we so indifferent yet intrigued by murder and homicide and bloodshed and crime?

Is it because there’s so much portrayal of it on TV, or Netflix or whatever we stream?

So much so that we can watch it from anywhere, anytime from any device? It’s always at our fingertips.

Are we desensitized by the things we watch for entertainment that when we hear something on the news that happened to a real life person we aren’t as shocked?

Do we think “this will never happen to me?”

I did. I loved the detective shows, the mystery’s, the “who done it’s” Never did I ever think this could happen to me. Ever.

No parent should ever have to bury their child.

It’s not natural, it goes against the circle of life.

I would not wish this on anyone.

25 years and the rest of his life. Gone. In one minute and thirty eight seconds.

Cherish your loved ones, encourage them with kind words. Spend time with them. Don’t take them for granted. Call your parents. Make precious memories. Hug your children. Be the best you that you were created to be💗