A grain of wheat


At my son Billy’s memorial service, one profound thing that I remember as we were sharing a meal together after the service was when my former sister-in-law Rachel came up to me and shared a scripture verse.

I believe this has happened, is happening and will happen.

My desire is to bear much fruit.

Recently I had an experience where it felt like I fell into the earth died and remained alone for a season but I had to die to myself.

I had to go through some things all by myself and nobody could do it for me. As much as my husband wanted to help me, to fix The situation,he couldn’t. As much as I wanted him to be able to fix the situation, he couldn’t.

I had to go through it alone. However I did not remain alone.

The thing was, I knew that I wasn’t alone. Jesus says that he will never leave me or turn his back on me and I had such an assurance that he certainly was with me through the whole entire process.

I had peace, I had joy, and I had an overall really good experience despite my surroundings.

I mentioned that I had to spend some time in the hospital.

I believe what happened was that I finally broke. Just like that seed I need to crack under the ground, alone so that I could break forth, grow, and bear much fruit.

I’ll share more later but this has been on my heart for a while and I wanted to write about it tonight.

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