A grain of wheat

Does Life Go On After The Death Of Your Child?, Honoring My Son's Life, Hope After the Loss of a Child, How to handle the death of your child., How to keep going after the death of your Child, Loss of a Child by Homicide, Loss of a child to murder, What about Siblings?, What to do when your child dies?

Published by cmadams

I am now a Mother that no one wants to be. I love my children more than life itself and my world got turned upside down when my 1st born son Billy, also known as Liam, was murdered by a stranger in a random act of violence. I have 3 remaining living, breathing, amazing children, 2 sons and 1 daughter, 3 living,breathing,amazing step-sons and each and every one is special,creative,and unique! I also have 3 beautiful grandchildren! 2 Grandsons ages 7and 8 and a precious 3 year old Granddaughter! My Grandson Logan, is Billy’s only child, he is now 8 years old. As my daughter says, he is the warm piece of Billy that we get to touch. I enjoy cherishing and taking care of my husband and my family, leading a healthy lifestyle in spirit, soul and body, clean eating, CrossFit, sunshine,rest, listening to music and singing along! I will never be who I was before this happened. I am dedicated to learn what I can, embrace the pain, and share my raw, wounded, healing heart that is daily changing due to this great tragedy. My hope is touch lives in many ways,no matter how big or small, in honor and in memory of my son, Billy.He will live on through my words, the words of his Mother and the hearts of his family💗

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At my son Billy’s memorial service, one profound thing that I remember as we were sharing a meal together after the service was when my former sister-in-law Rachel came up to me and shared a scripture verse.

I believe this has happened, is happening and will happen.

My desire is to bear much fruit.

Recently I had an experience where it felt like I fell into the earth died and remained alone for a season but I had to die to myself.

I had to go through some things all by myself and nobody could do it for me. As much as my husband wanted to help me, to fix The situation,he couldn’t. As much as I wanted him to be able to fix the situation, he couldn’t.

I had to go through it alone. However I did not remain alone.

The thing was, I knew that I wasn’t alone. Jesus says that he will never leave me or turn his back on me and I had such an assurance that he certainly was with me through the whole entire process.

I had peace, I had joy, and I had an overall really good experience despite my surroundings.

I mentioned that I had to spend some time in the hospital.

I believe what happened was that I finally broke. Just like that seed I need to crack under the ground, alone so that I could break forth, grow, and bear much fruit.

I’ll share more later but this has been on my heart for a while and I wanted to write about it tonight.

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