It’s all about the heart

I’ll never forget the moment I knew my son had died.

It’s a moment no mother should go through. Ever.

It’s heart wrenching.

There are no adequate words in the human language to express what happens in a mother’s heart when they learn that their child has died.

It’s been 3 years and 3 months.

I realized from the beginning that this would be a journey but I had no idea what this journey would entail.

That awful moment that I knew Billy had died, something amazing happened too.

I heard God speak to me. Not with my physical ears, but with my heart.

He spoke 11 words to me.

The Lord said “ Man looks at the appearance, but I look at the heart. “

He paraphrased this verse found in 1 Samuel 16:7 and He made it mine. ~
But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.

Just to explain what was going on in this passage, Samuel was a prophet who was sent by God to Bethlehem to a man named Jesse. Samuel told Jesse that God sent him to anoint a king from one of his sons.

Jesse got his sons together and lined them up. Except for one.

Samuel saw Jesse’s oldest son Eliab who was the biggest and strongest and probably the toughest.

Samuel was looking at Eliab and remembering the first King that he anointed named Saul.

Saul had been his Father’s oldest son too. Saul had also been taller than anyone else in Israel from the shoulders up! So when Samuel saw Eliab, the oldest, strongest, tallest, toughest looking son- Samuel commented “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before me!”

That’s when the Lord said unto Samuel that He doesn’t see as man sees. He looks on the heart.

The Lord had chosen Eliab’s youngest brother David, who wasn’t even included included in the line up,to be anointed King because he was a man after God’s own heart.

When the Lord spoke those words, His Word to me I knew in that moment, Billy was with him. I knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Peace flooded me. I had the peace that passes ALL understanding guard my heart and my mind through Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:7

That’s hard to explain to people. My son was murdered but I had peace.

I had peace because God gave me His Word.

He spoke His Word to my heart.

He was letting me know that Billy’s heart was right with Him. No matter what he looked like on the outside or what other people thought about Billy, his heart was right with God.

God always has been and always will be about the heart.

God is after your heart. He wants your heart because He loves you with all of His.

I am a Mother who has buried my 1st born child.

My heart has been broken, but I’m here to tell you that Jesus can heal you everywhere you hurt, if you let him.

“He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.”~Psalm 147:3

  1. Your strength is really amazing and I really enjoy reading your blog. I’m so sorry for your loss, I’m sure you’ve heard that so many times but your faith through god is beautiful and inspiring. God bless you, and Gods taking care of your boy.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: