Do you even CrossFit?

I love CrossFit.

I love pushing myself to be better than I was the day before.

Today, post workout. I’m not big on selfies.

I’ve been doing CrossFit for 2 & 1/2 years. 5-6 days a week.

I had multiple hernia and abdominal repair surgery 3 days after Christmas this past year.

I was prepared mentally and emotionally for my 6 weeks of rest. Absolutely no exercise for 6 weeks. Just rest,heal and take it easy.

4 weeks after my surgery, my 25 year old son Billy was murdered.

We had his funeral and I buried him 5 weeks post surgery.

One week after his funeral, I was allowed to go back to CrossFit and modify the workouts.

I took it very slowly for the next 6 weeks at the gym. I knew my body was healing and I also knew that my body was grieving.

By 12 weeks I was cleared to do everything I did before surgery. I started slow and took it easy.

I was astonished at how repetitive body weight movements had drastically changed for me.

I was never a very heavy lifter, but the weights I moved had drastically dropped.

For those of you who are familiar with CrossFit,my goal is to RX the WOD.

I knew a lot of these changes were surgery related, but grief played a huge role.

Almost 7 months later, my weights are almost back to where they were for the most part, but I’m still being adversely affected by movements I once did with ease.

If I make it to the gym 3 or 4 days a week, I’m good with that. I have to be kind to myself. Someday I hope to be back at it 5-6 days a week.

Swinging motions like Kipping pull-ups and toes to bar as well as box jumps and burpees make me feel like I’m going to throw up!

Pre-Surgery, before the traumatic loss of my son, this was NOT me AT ALL!

I now carry what I call my anti-puke pills with me to the gym. They’re digestive enzymes and they keep the nausea at bay. Maybe it’s the placebo effect or maybe they really do work.

Eating is getting better for me. For 6 months after Billy’s death I didn’t have an appetite,but I forced myself to eat because I knew I needed too. I often felt queasy after I ate and foods I once enjoyed I couldn’t stomach.

Every day is a little better but somedays I have setbacks. I just get up the next day, and try again.

I know people grieve loss differently, and it will definitely affect our bodies differently. We are all unique individuals.

Most days I’m mentally and emotionally strong but the physical issues don’t lie no matter how good I seem to be doing.

I still feel exhausted at some point most days and I just need to take a break.

My hair that fell out is growing back and the ones that turned gray I colored. The lump I found was benign and since it was on the left, near my aching heart it was most likely just grief.

Where I need to be the strongest is spiritually. No matter what my be happening in my body, I sing and make melody in my heart to the Lord 🎶

My soul trusts Him who holds all creation together.I choose to thrive💗