Mad Midnight Moments

The great author C.S. Lewis, wrote his thoughts and beliefs down after his wife died and then published them in the book titled, “A Grief Observed.” It must have been his way of coping with what he called the “Mad Midnight Moments.”

That’s why I write at night.

Many thoughts swirl around in my head throughout the day as I go through each day.

Nighttime is the hardest. You quiet your body to get ready to sleep and the mind keeps going and going. 11885147_626081627532789_869631078563649079_n

I’ve always have been the type of person to have deep thoughts as I’m laying there. I think about how the human body works. The breaths I take, how my heartbeats, all the systems working together, communicating with my brain.

It can be overwhelming and very humbling to realize that each one of us who are living on this earth all take breaths and have hearts that beat and systems that communicate with our brains no matter what we think, or feel or believe, and no matter what language we speak or we look like.

Now that I have lost a child, my 1st born son to homicide, to murder, I fight the nighttime thoughts. I’m not one to numb myself with the mindless activity of watching T.V. I always have too much to do to keep a home running smoothly. I also have a hard time sitting, I’m always on the move.

I noticed my bedtime is getting later and later.

I also find that writing helps me to process my thoughts, feelings and beliefs and it has been a wonderful way to start to heal my shattered heart, or at least get the pieces recognizable so that they can start to be put back together.Heart-Broken

If you are grieving the loss of a child or really any kind of loss, a relationship, a job, a home or maybe a parent or grandparent, I encourage you to feel what you feel. Embrace it, talk about it, write or type or text about it. Listen to music that connects with your heart. Cry, scream, pray. Take care of yourself. Get a massage, go to the gym, get a new haircut, buy a new video game or eat extra dessert. It’s okay.

I really must get to bed and I pray that my mad midnight moments will start to be less and less.

I say as David did thousands of  years ago ” I will both lay down in peace and sleep, for you alone oh Lord make me dwell in safety.” ~ Goodnight.

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