9 Months

9 months ago tonight my 1st born Son was brutally murdered.

9 months. The same amount of time that I carried him in my womb.

I’ve been thinking a lot about when I was pregnant with him and my labor and delivery.

My beginning stage of grief, for the 1st weeks and months felt a lot like giving birth.

I would have groans from the depths of my being and I would just bare down, brace myself and weep.

Sometimes tears would flow and other times it was just a wail or groan from a place in my soul that ached for my Boy.

My labor was short. My water broke a little after 2 -AM When it was time for him to be born, we almost didn’t make it to the hospital. We got there at 3:45 Am and William Daniel Elliot IV was born at 4:08 AM on September 1st.

Billy came out fast and ready to live life. He was always on the go and ready for anything fun!

My new born Son William Daniel Elliot IV 8lbs 10oz 21and 1/2inches long 4:08 AM 9-01-92

He lived a lot of life in those 25 short years. He always had ideas and plans and he worked at many trades and music was his passion.

Billy was so proud of Jami, his little brother . They were 6 and a 1/2 years apart. He really wanted to help Jami out when he was going through a hard time last year.

Billy and Jami ages 8 and 2 and a 1/2

Jami went to Philadelphia to live with his Brother and work at the same non- profit organization as Billy did. Things started changing for the better.

The boys were growing in their relationship and they were closer than they had been in years.

Billy and Jami together in Philly.

Jami enjoyed meeting people and he was quite good at fundraising for the non- profit organization just like Billy.

My boys ages 25 and 18 were enjoying the opportunity to be adult brothers and tragically, that was ripped away from them 9 months ago.

Life sure can be unfair.

I will never understand why my Son was murdered. There is no rhyme or reason, just evil.

As a Mother you do so much for your children to keep them safe.You teach them to hold hands while walking in the parking lot, look both ways before crossing the street, no running with a pencil,wear their seat belts, do not talk to strangers, be aware of their surroundings, don’t pet other peoples dogs without the dog owners permission and many other things.

I wasn’t able to keep my boy safe 9 months ago like I kept him safe for the 9 months that he grew in my womb.

Billy just enjoying the sunshine in the city.

I ate more vegetables, I took a prenatal supplement, I drank more water.

I pushed his little feet down when I was 8 months pregnant with him because he liked to stretch out his little long legs and dig his tiny heel in between my ribs. I tried to get enough sleep even though he liked to do flips when I laid down to rest.

Billy was a healthy baby. My Brother Brian, Me holding Billy, My Mother and my Brother Mike.

These days, 9 months later, living with the aftermath of the tragic, senseless loss of my Son,I find myself desiring to know more and more about where my Son is.

That means I am reading about Heaven and growing even deeper in my relationship with the Lord Jesus.

This is an excellent book on Heaven. “ Imagine Heaven” by John Burke

Billy is happy and filled with love and joy and peace and light. Most importantly he is forever safe within Heaven’s gates where evil will never touch him again!

My Boy 💗

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