Are You There God? It’s Me,Corinne

The title of the book “Are You There God , It’s Me , Margaret.” Popped into my head today when I was thinking about what I’d like to say. I love to read and I read that book by Judy Blume, over thirty years ago. The subject matter is different but the sentiment is the same. Do you hear me?img_1987

I’m sure we’ve all heard that saying “If God is silent, remember, the teacher is always silent during a test.”

I beg to differ.

Actually, that’s just not true.

You see, God is NEVER silent.img_1989

If you believe that statement to be true, maybe you have never heard the whole truth or maybe you don’t know how to listen.

I know that may seem harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts a little.

I’ve had some very hard weeks lately. I won’t bother to get into the nitty-gritty details but it has been a dark place. I know my focus has been off and I was having a bit of a pity party. Seriously though, how can I not? My son was murdered. In this physical, natural world, a pity party is expected.

I took my eyes off of the promise. I took my eyes off of the eternal and I was looking backwards at the if only’s,the regrets and mistakes and at things that would never be.

One scripture that has been standing out and kinda yelling at me is “For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven.” Psalm 119:89

So if God’s word is settled, it is final. No more discussion. It is what it is.

God, Jesus, and the angles are not holding meetings in heaven to see which parts of his word, the Holy Bible,that they are going to keep or throw out, or which promise they are going to fulfill or reject. It’s settled, a done deal. Forever!

God is not silent. He gave us his word. “For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God”img_2002

God has made a LOT of promises in his word and they are all YES in Christ but WE say the amen or, so be it, in his name to his glory.

That sounds like he’s done everything, given us everything and it’s up to us to 1. believe it  and 2. speak it, our words agreeing with his word. and 3.It’s all done by him, through him and for him.

He’s done it all for us, It’s up to us to apply it and say AMEN! That’s why we say “In Jesus’name, Amen!”

A funny story that my mom loved to share was that when I was 2 years old my parents  took me to a wedding. Every time the pastor stopped talking I would loudly say ” Amen!” I’d love to hear how their marriage turned out because my 2-year-old self was saying “so be it” to everything the pastor said!img_1990

According to the word of God, he is not moved by tears. He collects them in his bottle and he comforts us and Jesus is even called the man of sorrows, but, he is moved by his word. The truth is, he has already moved!

He is waiting on us to do our part, the part he has told us to do. He has spelled it out rather plainly, and honestly, we are the ones that haven’t heard the word taught as a whole, don’t have understanding of the whole truth, or just maybe we are comfortable with the bits and pieces of here and there knowledge, in any case,we just can’t seem to grasp it.img_1988

One thing, the most important thing that I have not been thinking about or setting my mind on is  “this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18. Billy’s murder does not seem “light” or a “momentary affliction” but based God’s word,compared to all eternity, that is exactly what it is.

I remember one time, maybe 12 or 13 years ago when I was sitting on the couch. I had been praying for my family and Billy sat down.  Even though I don’t fully remember the whole conversation, I remember looking into his teenage eyes and passionately telling him that even if my only job as a Mother is to pray for my children, then that’s what I would do. so be it. I remember sharing that verse with him in a different translation.

” The outward man is perishing, but the inward man is being renewed, day, by day.We fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

I told Billy that it’s the unseen things that matter. The eternal things.All the things we see in this world will be gone someday.  It was one of those Mother, Son moments where we were connected. He heard his Mother’s heart as a 13-year-old boy.img_1995

Billy is now in the unseen realm. In the eternal. He is in my future, not my past. As hard as it is to continue through this world, knowing that there will be no more birthday’s on earth for him. That we will only ever know him as a 25-year-old young man. img_1991I have to shift my focus on what is coming. An eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.

I know that it seems impossible to do, as tragic as this loss is, and I am not diminishing how utterly tragic it is, however, God’s eternal word makes it possible. He wouldn’t have told us to do something and not provide us with the ability to do it.

I have to encourage myself in the Lord as King David did. I have to remind myself that I have been given beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for my mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. When I get caught up in the things and cares of this world, I can envision a junkyard. That trash was at one time someone’s treasure. I need to store up treasures in heaven so that I can enjoy them for all eternity with my Billy and the rest of my family. Those that have gone before me and those who are still on this journey with me.

How do I store up treasures in heaven? Acts of kindness. Responding positively with faith to what God has already done by his grace. Smiling at a stranger, maybe even saying amen when I was 2 years old!

Changing my perspective to an eternal one does take work. It is a simple concept, but it is not easy to do.img_1997

Especially when waves of grief keep crashing over me at any given time.

I could be floating along, catching my breath and resting as the rhythm of the waters relax me and all of a sudden I can hear a certain song, a commercial on television,the ringtone on someone elses phone, the clothes someone is wearing, or the gait of a stranger that reminds me of Billy.

Even my 16-year-old son Robbie with his long, strong limbs remind of me of Billy at certain times. That one is bitter-sweet.img_2001

God is speaking. Maybe He’s speaking through me right now. He often speaks through people. Through circumstances. Through an inner conviction of His Truth.

Don’t just take my word for it.

Take His.

If you choose to, He will show himself faithful to you every single time.


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