Published by cmadams
I am now a Mother that no one wants to be. I love my children more than life itself and my world got turned upside down when my 1st born son Billy, also known as Liam, was murdered by a stranger in a random act of violence. I have 3 remaining living, breathing, amazing children, 2 sons and 1 daughter, 3 living,breathing,amazing step-sons and each and every one is special,creative,and unique! I also have 3 beautiful grandchildren! 2 Grandsons ages 7and 8 and a precious 3 year old Granddaughter! My Grandson Logan, is Billy’s only child, he is now 8 years old. As my daughter says, he is the warm piece of Billy that we get to touch. I enjoy cherishing and taking care of my husband and my family, leading a healthy lifestyle in spirit, soul and body, clean eating, CrossFit, sunshine,rest, listening to music and singing along! I will never be who I was before this happened. I am dedicated to learn what I can, embrace the pain, and share my raw, wounded, healing heart that is daily changing due to this great tragedy. My hope is touch lives in many ways,no matter how big or small, in honor and in memory of my son, Billy.He will live on through my words, the words of his Mother and the hearts of his family💗
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Bereaved Parents Awareness Month. Day 8.
Sometimes I’m just tired.
Not the tired that I used to be before Billy was murdered.
It’s a tired that affects my entire body. My hair feels extra heavy, my arms and legs feel like lead. It’s like my body and reactions are in slow motion.
I still am able to function and get things done but when enough of those days hit in a row, I feel like I’m no good to anyone. I’m just exhausted.
I hope as we wrap up the looming court proceedings in a couple months, that this tiredness will go away.
I belong to a few bereaved parents groups on Facebook.
I read what other people are going through and how long they’ve been going through it.
For some it’s been decades.
I’m still considered in the early stage.
I do have good days, great days and days that are just fine. I also have bad days or maybe just bad parts of a day, but I’ve always gotten out of bed.
Sometimes I have to crawl back in hours later to try and recharge as much as I can.
I can relate to this clip. https://youtu.be/M1Rnwx4ZmX0
I’ll keep on keeping on.
Knowing that “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” 2 Corinthians 4:17
Amen~So Be It.
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