Candy Corn Tears

Does Life Go On After The Death Of Your Child?, Honoring My Son's Life, Hope After the Loss of a Child, How to handle the death of your child., How to keep going after the death of your Child, Loss of a Child by Homicide, Loss of a child to murder, Uncategorized, What to do when your child dies?

Published by cmadams

I am now a Mother that no one wants to be. I love my children more than life itself and my world got turned upside down when my 1st born son Billy, also known as Liam, was murdered by a stranger in a random act of violence. I have 3 remaining living, breathing, amazing children, 2 sons and 1 daughter, 3 living,breathing,amazing step-sons and each and every one is special,creative,and unique! I also have 3 beautiful grandchildren! 2 Grandsons ages 7and 8 and a precious 3 year old Granddaughter! My Grandson Logan, is Billy’s only child, he is now 8 years old. As my daughter says, he is the warm piece of Billy that we get to touch. I enjoy cherishing and taking care of my husband and my family, leading a healthy lifestyle in spirit, soul and body, clean eating, CrossFit, sunshine,rest, listening to music and singing along! I will never be who I was before this happened. I am dedicated to learn what I can, embrace the pain, and share my raw, wounded, healing heart that is daily changing due to this great tragedy. My hope is touch lives in many ways,no matter how big or small, in honor and in memory of my son, Billy.He will live on through my words, the words of his Mother and the hearts of his family💗

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I was shopping at the grocery store yesterday , making my way up and down all the aisles.

I know that it was only August 5, however stores nowadays have things out for autumn.

Gone are the lemonade displays and pumpkin spice has started to replace the summer flavors we all know and love.

As I rounded the corner, they had a whole box full of Brachs Candy Corn.

I had to swallow the tears.

It was one of those moments that my heart just started bursting with all the cries.

It made me think of my mother.

This October, it will be five years since she passed away after 5 long years of fighting cancer.

My dear mother and my grandson Logan a few months before she died in 2014.

She never failed to buy me a bag of Brachs candy corn every year because she knew how much I loved it as a child.

My Pop Pop, her father, would always give me some every year around Halloween.

Back then, that’s when they sold candy corn, not in August!

The unimaginable, absolutely senseless murder of my son Billy, 18 months ago, has been the worst nightmare that I have ever faced. A nightmare you never wake up from..

My boy, Billy

What makes it all the more tragic for me is that I have not had my mom to talk to, to cry with, to grieve with, to hug me and be the last to let go. It is sooo hard.

My mom bought those candy corns for me because she loved me, she knew I liked them and she wanted me to remember my Pop Pop.

My Pop Pop ~Bud, my Mother Joan, my Grandmother Barbara aka Monna, not Mona and me, Corinne, at 3 months old.

I can’t say that I remember him giving me the candy as a little girl, but my mom did, and she kept that memory alive.

That’s how people live on.

Through memories and stories and traditions passed down from one generation to the next.

My beautiful mother and I in happier, healthier times.

I’m thankful I have those memories even though somedays when I least expect it, they stop me in my tracks and literally take my breath away.

I’m not only grieving the death of my child, but my mother and memories that can never be made again on this earth.

Forever looking towards the eternal, Billy’s Mother, Joan’s daughter, Bud and Barbara’s Granddaughter and most importantly, Child of the Most High God~Corinne

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