Twenty-Seven Years

27-years-old.

That’s how old Billy should be. Instead he is forever 25.

27 was the number I had on my heart for him as he was changing and growing through all the steps and stages.Especially throughout his twenties.

I knew that once he hit 27, the pieces that had fallen into place here and there,would all come together and be the best fit!

How did I know that?

I knew that because the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree…

I may have mentioned it before but it’s worth mentioning it again.

I would always extend advice if it was asked for, a few bucks if it was needed, but grace was something that was easy for me to give. I remembered what it was like when I was the ages of my children.

I always could give grace because I have received grace time and time again.

I received grace from my parents on numerous occasions and most importantly Jesus always, always, always, gave me grace.

Grace to mess up and pick up the pieces, grace to try again and again, even when I’d blow it some more in the same exact area of my life!

Jesus was always there to offer grace and truth.

To be transparently honest, I can relate to two women in the Bible that not a lot of people would want to connect with.

The woman at the well,found in John 4.https://arc.gt/7cks9?apiSessionId=5d892878652d53.99067243

Also the woman caught in the act of adultery, found in John 8.
https://youtu.be/w5GXnM_TxSQ

Jesus didn’t condemn either woman, he didn’t wait until they had it all together, he met them in the middle of their mess and turned it into their message. Grace. Giving us what we definitely don’t deserve.

I was 27-years-old when I finally had enough of my bad choices that hurt so many people, especially Billy and Jami.

I just wanted to do what was right.

I wanted right things in my life, I wanted good things for my boys. I didn’t know what that looked like, but I knew what it didn’t look like and I just wanted what Jesus had for me.

There are always repercussions for choices made in a bad season but eventually, seasons change.

We do reap what we sow but once we choose to sow good things, we start to reap good things.

I recognized the process in my own son and I just knew he would be okay.

It wasn’t about time wasted, it was about lessons learned and grace upon grace given and received.

No matter what path we’re on, we are never too far gone for the grace of God to meet us right where we’re at.

No matter what we’ve done or even what we’re doing!

I could see the little changes that added up to big changes. Billy was thinking of others more and more.

He was helping others.

Billy was passionate about starting a charity to help inner city children in Philadelphia get musical instruments and lessons.

He was learning and growing and taking steps in positive directions.

This should be his year… age 27.

I am really struggling with that.

My heart is just so sad.

I was expectantly watching and waiting as his Mother.

On the outside it may have looked like I didn’t care enough, but I cared more than you can imagine.

I prayed for him, I asked the lord to send laborers across his path speaking the truth of God’s word.

Jesus is full of grace and he is truth. You can’t have one without the other.

I gave Billy room to grow. Just like my mom had given me room to grow.

I really started to appreciate my mom in my mid-twenties. Before that, I loved my mom, but I thought I knew everything!

I started sharing my heart with her in my later twenties and thirties. I was really listening to her godly wisdom. I just wish I would have started sooner. I only had her until I was 40 years old.

I didn’t get the opportunity to have Billy share a whole lot with me. We were in the “room to grow stage.” We were moving into the next stage of our adult child/ parent relationship.

It started in November of 2017, Christmas Day 2017 being the biggest and bestest turning point.

I’ll talk more about that day later, but he only lived one month and two days after that Christmas. After this picture was taken.

I thought we would have more time.

I have to wait for eternity to pick up where we left off. My heart cannot wait for that day.

I miss my boy so much.

I miss who he was. I miss his creativity and his talent. I miss his sense of humor. I miss his laugh and his smile. I miss his passion for music, I miss pictures of him and Logan together. I miss his posts on social media.

Ever since his birthday on September 1st,when he should have been turning 27- years-old, I have missed him extra much, cried extra more, been extra agitated, felt extra pain, physically and emotionally.

I know that in the grand scheme of things from an eternal perspective, I really only have a short time to wait until I see him again.

This Mother’s heart can’t wait.💗

Always looking towards the eternal, Corinne