January

Published by cmadams

I am now a Mother that no one wants to be. I love my children more than life itself and my world got turned upside down when my 1st born son Billy, also known as Liam, was murdered by a stranger in a random act of violence. I have 3 remaining living, breathing, amazing children, 2 sons and 1 daughter, 3 living,breathing,amazing step-sons and each and every one is special,creative,and unique! I also have 3 beautiful grandchildren! 2 Grandsons ages 7and 8 and a precious 3 year old Granddaughter! My Grandson Logan, is Billy’s only child, he is now 8 years old. As my daughter says, he is the warm piece of Billy that we get to touch. I enjoy cherishing and taking care of my husband and my family, leading a healthy lifestyle in spirit, soul and body, clean eating, CrossFit, sunshine,rest, listening to music and singing along! I will never be who I was before this happened. I am dedicated to learn what I can, embrace the pain, and share my raw, wounded, healing heart that is daily changing due to this great tragedy. My hope is touch lives in many ways,no matter how big or small, in honor and in memory of my son, Billy.He will live on through my words, the words of his Mother and the hearts of his family💗 View all posts by cmadams

25 years old, A Mother’s Love, Bereaved, Burying a child, Crime, Death, Death of a Child, Family, Grandson, Grief, Heartache, Homicide, Hope, Jesus, laughter, Life, Loss, Loss of a child, Loss of a child to murder, Loss of a Son, Loss of a son Homicide, Loss of a Son to Homicide, Loss of a Son to Murder, Loss to Homicide, Love, Memories, Mother’s love, Mourning, Murder, Perspective, Senseless Murder, Tattoos, Tears, Tragedy

What do you think of when you approach the month of January?

New Year, new me? A fresh start? New beginnings?

Quite honestly, January has never been a month I looked forward too. Even as a child I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait for this month to be over!

Was that an inkling that the most tragic and devastating life event would one day happen in January? I don’t know.

One memory I have of Januarys as a little girl is of my friend from school. Her birthday was in January and it was inevitable that her birthday party would get cancelled almost every year due to bad weather.

I don’t think that’s what made me dislike the month but it sure didn’t help!

It’s almost been 5 years since my son Billy was senselessly murdered. 5 years. I remember that cold January night like it was yesterday.

Billy and I at my Moms funeral 3 years before he was murdered.

Every year when January hits I can feel that day coming.

If you’ve buried a child you know exactly what I’m talking about. If not, be grateful that you don’t.

I feel the date of his murder creeping up on me. I have to brace myself for the hit. It’s on its way and will be here in just a few weeks.

I don’t spend my days moping or crying. I go on with life. The grief is there yet somehow it’s softer. I’m different and I’ve changed yet I’m still me.

I also have good things to look forward to in January as well. January is a busy month for birthdays in our family. We’re up to 5 birthdays!

Billy’s son Logan will be turning 10 in January. God knew I needed something happy to celebrate.

Published by cmadams

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