Yes, I cried. I was bothered by my tears because they came at an inconvenient time, but it also got me thinking about showing emotions in public. It’s okay to laugh and talk loudly with friends, family and even co-workers. Tears, however are taboo. Unless of course you laugh until you cry.
Here I am in another state, watching my 15 year old son Robbie compete in a national CrossFit competition.
It has been very intense for him physically and emotionally and mentally. What affects my child affects me. 
I want the best for my children. When they hurt or are disappointed or elated, I hurt, I’m disappointed and I’m elated.
Many times there’s absolutely nothing I can do for them other than support them and guide them, give them a timely word even when the timing isn’t right, and of course pray for them.
I wasn’t watching any competition at the time my tears decided to flow. Like I mentioned in the title, I was in a restaurant.
Matt and I were grabbing a lite lunch by ourselves while our laundry was washing in the laundromat across the street.
I couldn’t stop the tears that fell. They came from a place inside that is never going to be the same, the place in my heart that belongs to my 1st born Son Billy. I could feel sobs coming and I just had to gulp those down, breath through my nose and let the tears flow. 
What was my “trigger?”
The long weekend filled with all kinds of emotions I’m sure is catching up to me physically. Not getting to workout. Eating different foods could be a few factors.
I honestly think the actual “trigger” was when I saw a younger man in the laundromat doing his laundry and I thought, I bet Billy was in many laundromats in the different places he’d had the opportunity to live in.
It just struck me that it was something I didn’t really think about because it didn’t affect me. Billy didn’t talk about his laundry. He just did it.
We were at the laundromat to wash Robbie’s dirty clothing. I wash it,dry it and fold it and I don’t dread it. I GET to do it.
I will never get to wash and dry and fold laundry for Billy ever again in this life because someone chose to take his life.
That realization caused those tears to flow. It’s the little things that we take for granted. It’s the everyday tasks that we don’t give much thought to until we don’t get to.
Robbie is doing very well in this competition and I’m very proud of my kiddo who has washed and dried and folded clothing to wear tomorrow when he competes in his final competition.
Tomorrow my tears will be tears of joy as his hard work, determination and faithfulness to keep showing up and working out pays off! It has definitely been earned, not given.
5 Non Blondes and a Senseless Murder 