Different Kinds of Strength

If you’ve been following my blog, the last 22 days have been reposts from my Instagram posts from July.

July was bereaved parents awareness month.

The only thing I can add since July is that I have been getting better with getting through my every-days and focusing on my family and not sweating the small stuff.

I’m also able to get to the gym more and I am improving as far as the amount of weight that I am able to lift. My cardio is doing pretty good too.

Depending on the day, and how I feel grief wise, there are still days where I feel as though I am starting over.

Starting over at the gym and in everyday life.

Kind of like the movie “Groundhog Day.”

At the gym I cannot go as heavy, I go slower, I break out in a cold sweat, I feel like quitting and I could throw up. But, I just breathe. I don’t quit. I finish, no matter how long it takes.

Those days are less and less but with this being the Christmas Season,my 1st Christmas in 26 years without my Son, there is a heaviness that cannot be explained unless you have lived it.

Everything else pales in comparison.

Here is day 22 of bereaved parents awareness month originally posted July 22nd 2018.

If you know me, you know I like to push myself and I can be pretty hard on myself.

Be the best me I can be. Get the most done. Just do it.

In anything, not just at the gym.

In daily life.

In how I take care of my family, in how I take care of myself.

If I can’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of others.

Me deadlifting over 200lbs in a partner competition in July of 2017. Billy getting his pump on at his gym. I really wish we could have done CrossFit together. He would have loved it!

If I crash, those around me pick up the pieces or crash right along with me.

Billy was A LOT like me.

We would just roll with the punches.

If we fell down,we just got back up and kept going.

Maybe we didn’t always go in the right direction, but we didn’t quit.

Right now I am unable to be the me I used to be.

That is devastating to me.

I want to push and physically I can’t.

I’m going through something I don’t understand, and can’t explain.

Someday I’ll find the words. I hope…

I KNOW that this evil that was done to us, God will turn it into good.

What the enemy has stolen, he has to repay 7x’s.

That’s what God’s Word promises and that’s what I choose to believe.

I will get through the other side and I will be stronger spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.

#iwillgivegodalltheglory

#greaterishethatisinme

#somedaysijustcryhelpmejesus

#itrysohard

#sometimesijustcant

#istilltrythough

#mysonwassomuchlikeme

#imissmyboy

#iwillseehimagain

#💗

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