Strengthen the Brethren

Published by cmadams

I am now a Mother that no one wants to be. I love my children more than life itself and my world got turned upside down when my 1st born son Billy, also known as Liam, was murdered by a stranger in a random act of violence. I have 3 remaining living, breathing, amazing children, 2 sons and 1 daughter, 3 living,breathing,amazing step-sons and each and every one is special,creative,and unique! I also have 3 beautiful grandchildren! 2 Grandsons ages 7and 8 and a precious 3 year old Granddaughter! My Grandson Logan, is Billy’s only child, he is now 8 years old. As my daughter says, he is the warm piece of Billy that we get to touch. I enjoy cherishing and taking care of my husband and my family, leading a healthy lifestyle in spirit, soul and body, clean eating, CrossFit, sunshine,rest, listening to music and singing along! I will never be who I was before this happened. I am dedicated to learn what I can, embrace the pain, and share my raw, wounded, healing heart that is daily changing due to this great tragedy. My hope is touch lives in many ways,no matter how big or small, in honor and in memory of my son, Billy.He will live on through my words, the words of his Mother and the hearts of his family💗 View all posts by cmadams

A Mother’s Love, Burying a child, Choices, Crime, Cry, Death, Family, Grace, Grandson, Grief, Heart, Heartache, Homicide, Kindness, laughter, Life, Loss, Loss of a child, Loss of a Son, Loss of a Son to Homicide, Loss of a Son to Murder, Loss to Homicide, Love, Mother’s love, Mourning, Murder, Music, Perspective, Siblings, Strengthen the brethren, Tears, Thoughts, Truth, Understanding

I read that verse where Jesus told Peter that Satan has desired to sift you like wheat, but I have prayed that your faith will not fail. Luke 22:32-33

The Lord put that verse on my heart in November of 2017. I can assure you that I have most certainly have been sifted. Starting with the murder of my son Billy.

The sifting process is a violent shaking. It is meant to separate the good wheat away from the chaff and dirt and pebbles. While the sifting is happening, it is meant for evil by the enemy. He’s hoping you’ll let go of your faith, feel abandoned by God and be so torn and beat up through the sifting process that you won’t ever feel adequate to be used by God again.

I have been stuck there for some time. So many “sifting” occurrences have happened and it has left me not questioning my faith but wondering about Gods timing and purpose for my life.

The Lord told Peter “when you have returned to me, strengthen your brothers.” I’d like to think I’ve never turned my back on Jesus during these last 3 years of violent shaking.

It’s left me anxious, panicked, depressed, feeling unworthy, like a loser, a failure, and paralyzed by many other lying emotions.

I know that no matter how I feel,the truth and reality is the word of God, even if I don’t feel it or if I have to cry my way through speaking his word. His Word is the truth but all this spiritual warfare, can be pretty exhausting emotionally, spiritually and physically.

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I keep fighting because I know I’m not the only one to experience this and that others around the world are going through similar things.

I don’t know when the time will come that I’ll be able to “ strengthen the brethren,” but I know that day will come. Just like Peter wasn’t the same person after Satan sifted him like wheat, I am not the same person either. I hope that someday people will say of me like they said of the disciples.

“Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And they realized that they had been with Jesus.”Acts 4:13

Published by cmadams

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